“Attention in the waiting area. Please note that flight 666 will be departing out of gate B3, not A21 as listed on the airport monitors. The airport is in charge of the monitors and they are not updating the information properly. Also, the flight is delayed by an hour and a half. Thank you for flying Satan’s Airline and have a nice day!”
“Welcome on board Satan’s Airline Flight 666. Due to bad weather at our destination, we will not be able to take-off for another 2 hours.”
“As we reach our cruising altitude, we will turn off the fasten seat belt sign. At this time, the flight attendants will go through the cabin to sell beverages and snacks. Everything costs $3.64 and exact change is required. The flight attendants are here for your safety, not to provide you with change.”
“Sorry to cut the beverage service short, but we are experiencing some serious turbulence. For your safety, please return to your seats and fasten your seat belts. The turbulence will be a problem for about 40 minutes.”
“Air sickness bags can be found in the seat back pockets. If you do not need your air sickness bag, please pass it to the rear of the aircraft where extra bags are desperately needed. Thank you!”
“As you can tell, we have started circling the airport. They are changing the runway configuration in response to the changing weather conditions. We estimate landing in about 30 minutes. Sorry for the turbulence, we will be on the ground just as soon as we can.”
“Satan’s Airline would like to welcome you to the 9th circle of Hell. For those of trying to make a connection, please check the monitors in the terminal for flight information. Since we are about 4 hours late, you have probably already missed your connection. To get rescheduled, go to the customer service desk in the main terminal. Expect the lines to be really long because we laid off most of our employees and the rest called in sick. If this is your final destination, you can collect your bags at baggage claim 5. Please be aware that the airport is experiencing serious baggage delays because of the lay-offs and the bad weather.”
“Thank you for flying Satan’s Airline. We know you have a choice in airlines, and through our code-share arrangements, no matter which one you choose, you still end up flying with us.”
(Yes, most of this true...)
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2 comments:
After watching that process online while you were on it, I figured it was bad. Your writing makes it funny, but I'm sure it was awful. Did you pass your bag or use it?
Trish
I'm sorry this part of your trip was so awful! Hopefully you're settled in at home by now.
Susan
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